Chameleon Magazine

By Staff Contributor

Response from a Disgruntled 20-Year-Old Woman:

“Well obviously it’s acceptable,” says Jodie, 20, rolling her eyes while reapplying lip gloss in the reflection of her iced latte. “There are benefits, you know? Older men like Tom Cruise have lived. They’ve got yachts, passports full of stamps, and actual furniture—not just bean bags and an air fryer.”

She swipes through her phone, casually liking a yacht post. “Younger guys? Half of them think commitment means watching a whole Netflix series together. A billionaire knows what he wants—me, ideally. Plus, when he talks about the future, he means private islands and family legacies, not cryptocurrency schemes and Spotify playlists.”

And the age gap? “It’s not weird if he’s hot and rich. If Tom Cruise wants a few more kids, why not? Those kids are set for life—private jets, robot nannies, probably won’t even see him much. Honestly, better than being raised by someone who’s 24 and can’t boil pasta.”

She finishes her drink with a smirk. “If it was Bill the bricklayer doing this? People would scream about morals and midlife crises. But with Tom? It’s ‘timeless love.’ And let’s be real, I’m not raising those kids alone—I’m hiring help.”

Response from a Disgruntled 20-Year-Old Bricklayer:

“Right, so let me get this straight,” says Callum, 20, wiping dust off his high-vis jacket. “Tom bleedin’ Cruise can marry someone young enough to still be on their parents’ Netflix account, knock out a few more kids, and the world calls it iconic. I do it, and I’m a creep who should’ve had a vasectomy in Year 12. Make it make sense.”

He opens a warm can of Monster and leans on the side of the van.

“These girls go on about emotional maturity, right? But the moment a billionaire with veneers and a private jet shows up, they suddenly find old-man jokes ‘charming.’ Spare me. They’re not looking for a soulmate—they’re looking for a foot in the will.”

Callum starts counting on his fingers now. “Tom’s had how many rides on the marriage-go-round? Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman, Penélope Cruz, Katie Holmes—he’s basically dated the whole IMDb top 100. Man’s got more exes than I’ve had hot dinners. And now he wants to start again? Go for it, mate. But don’t expect a standing ovation when he’s pushing a pram with one hand and booking his hip replacement with the other.”

He tosses the can into the bin with the precision of a man who’s had enough.

“Imagine me—Callum from Walsall—trying the same thing. Marrying a 22-year-old, popping out baby number five while saving up for a second-hand Ford Focus. People would call it tragic. But Tom does it, and it’s bloody inspirational.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t need Scientology, a stunt double, or a helicopter licence. Just a bit of fairness. But until I’ve got a hundred mil in the bank and a jawline chiselled by angels, I guess I’ll stick to mixing mortar and watching the rich lot get away with everything—again.”