Chameleon Magazine

Here’s Your Cult Initiation Ritual

Step 1: Become an Orphan (Emotionally or Literally)

Real storytellers come pre-packaged with trauma. No dead parents? At least get ghosted by a barista. You need pain, dammit.

Step 2: Manipulate Like Pixar

Make readers cry over a lamp, a dog, or a sentient toaster. Bonus points if you kill off a character named after your childhood hamster.

Step 3: Originality is for Suckers

Your story isn’t new. It’s just Lion King dressed in dystopian YA drag. Embrace it. Slap a twist ending on it and call it “high concept.”

Step 4: Insert Deep Symbolism (Or Absolute Gibberish)

A fork = betrayal. A mirror = self-discovery. A hamster in a spacesuit = capitalism? Who cares. Just make it sound important.

Step 5: Share Your Truth™

Tell your story from the heart… as long as it gets likes, retweets, and a Netflix pitch. Bonus if you can cry on cue during the podcast.