There he is — Robert Jenrick, former Minister, now part-time ticket inspector, storming through the concourse of a Midlands train station like a man on a mission. Tie flapping, face set with the righteous fury of a public servant who’s finally found a target he can handle: a young lad with mud on his trainers and not enough in his bank account for peak-time rail fare.
“Excuse me, sir, have you paid for your journey today?”
The boy shrugs. The train was late. Again. The app crashed. Again. The barriers were open. Again.
But Robert’s not interested in excuses. Justice must be served. Not to the pandemic profiteers who made millions while nurses wore bin bags. Not to the party donors who received VIP access to PPE contracts. Not to Baroness Mone and the mystery millions. Not to the cronies behind the £37 billion Test and Trace debacle. Not to Chris Grayling and his ferry company with no ferries. Not to Matt Hancock and his backroom deals.
No, those people are far too fast, far too rich, and far too well-connected to chase through train stations.
So here’s Jenrick, breathless, chasing working-class teenagers for a £2.80 oversight, while £2.8 billion in fraud sits unaccounted for. Not a PPE audit in sight. Not a knock on Jacob Rees-Mogg’s door. Not a question for Boris Johnson about wallpaper or Covid loans or party fines.
When will Robert Jenrick realise he should tidy up his own house before he goes policing ours?
Until then, he’ll be the face of a government that lets the rich run wild while demanding receipts from the rest of us.
Chameleon Magazine 
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