Chameleon Magazine

Where Free Thought Goes to Be Supervised

Opinion | Faith & Fashion

“Is It Time to Force Muslim Women to Wear the Burka?”

By Sheikh Tellem Whatto Do, Senior Correspondent for Compulsory Modesty

We’ve argued endlessly about whether Muslim women feel empowered in the burka. Some say it’s their right. So here’s a bold solution: why not just force every Muslim woman to wear one? That way, we can stop arguing and finally have a final solution.

No more messy “choice.” No more “personal interpretation.” Just state-enforced spiritual uniformity. Simple, clean, efficient — like a well-ironed theocracy.

This will give them the freedom they require: not with chains, but with the protective hug of legislation.

What begins as “supporting faith” becomes “the rule of law.”

What starts as “respect” ends as “complete support.”

How liberating.

And let’s not stop there — let’s make it legal for the men to do the same. Equal-oppression opportunities for everyone!

We should also ask the hard questions: Why did Christian women fight for the freedom to dress how they wanted? What were they thinking? Who gave them that idea? A mirror?

Honestly, religious prophets are far more qualified to make decisions for women. I mean, when has a woman ever had a truly good idea? Of course it had to be the Prophet Muhammad who made the wise choice for them — divinely inspired wardrobe consulting.

Burka or no burka, the only real answer is this: let the prophet choose.

Because only then is it truly faith.

Everything else is politics in costume.