Chameleon Magazine

 🦈🎤🍿So there we were, me and my wife, watching this shiny new show where celebrities dip into shark territory with nothing but a wetsuit and the promise of a “safety diver.” The pep talk they got was full of do’s and don’ts: “Don’t splash too much. Don’t touch the shark. Don’t panic.” Oh, and apparently each celebrity had a safety diver there to “support” them—translation: take the hit if the shark fancies a snack.

Only problem? No one actually told the divers they’d been cast as human shields with a scuba tank.

Now, me and my wife thought, hang on a second—you’re giving that talk to the wrong crowd. The people who need the briefing? The sharks. And here’s exactly how it would go if it came from us:

🐟 “Dear Sharks, Please Don’t Eat the Talent” – By Me & the Wife

“Look, we get it—you’re hungry. You’ve got teeth that could slice through a VW Beetle. And yes, some of the VIPs you’re about to meet have dined at some of the finest restaurants, possibly eating a few of your fishy mates in the process. We know that stings.

But here’s the thing: these celebrities are very important to people back home (and a couple of them still have Christmas number ones to flog). We’re asking—just for the sake of saving us a massive payout and avoiding a PR disaster—could you maybe refrain from eating them?

Think of them as decorative, like those expensive cakes in bakery windows. Pretty to look at, terrible for your digestion. If you behave, we promise to send down a few tuna steaks later, no reality TV aftertaste.”

P.S. Just a further warning—before a shark eats you, it will close its eyes. Not because it can’t bear to look at you… but because it doesn’t want bits of your arm in its eyes. 🫣🦈

🔥 Challenges 🔥

If you could add one shark-friendly rule to our pep talk, what would it be? “No nibbling on the host”? “Autographs before appetisers”? Leave your best ideas in the blog comments—sharks and sarcasm welcome. 🦈💬

👇 Hit comment, hit like, hit share. Help us make sure the only bites on this show are soundbites.

The best replies will make it into the next issue of the magazine. 📢🐠