🦩❄️Ah yes, just what the serene, mist-draped waters of Loch Lomond have always been missing: a monorail, a water park, and a battalion of confused flamingos wondering why their feathers are frozen solid. Lomond Banks and Flamingo Land want to plonk 100+ lodges, two hotels, and more parking than the M8 can handle right on Scotland’s most treasured loch. Because when you think ancient landscapes and national heritage, obviously the next step is rollercoasters and slush puppies.
🎢 From Bagpipes to Bumper Cars
Picture it: tourists in tartan hats, zipping between “heritage” gift shops on a monorail, while Scotland’s most famous loch becomes the backdrop for inflatable flamingo pool floats. The water park? Nothing screams Highland authenticity like shivering in a bikini while rain lashes sideways at 40mph. And the flamingos themselves? The only pink you’ll see will be from mild hypothermia.
The developers call it “investment.” Locals might call it “selling the soul of Loch Lomond for a giant claw machine and a half-price buffet.” Imagine Robert Burns penning “My Heart’s in the Highlands” while queuing for overpriced candyfloss. Because nothing preserves nature like paving it. 🏗️🌲
And let’s not forget: Scotland already has a water feature. It’s called rain. You don’t need a park wristband to enjoy it—it comes free, hourly, and usually sideways.
🔥 Challenges 🔥
Do we really want Loch Lomond turned into a giant postcard for theme park capitalism? Should flamingos be forced into a witness protection program in West Dunbartonshire? Or is this just another case of “if you can’t beat the natural beauty, bulldoze it and charge £12 for parking”?
💬 Drop your fiercest takes in the blog comments—because this is where satire meets resistance.
👇 Comment, like, share, and tell us whether Loch Lomond should be a sanctuary of nature—or just another postcode for plastic flamingos.
The sharpest comments will be published in the next issue of the magazine. 📝🔥
Chameleon Magazine 
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