The UK government and police forces may not be able to fill potholes or catch burglars, but by God, they’ve nailed the art of passive income. Police chiefs are now asking Rachel Reeves to let them keep the cash from speeding fines—currently a juicy £100 million a year that goes straight to the Treasury’s guilt-free fund for “things we’ll pretend we didn’t waste.”
And here lies the true genius of British bureaucracy:
Build cars that go 150mph, set roads to 40mph, then monetise the difference.
🤑 Welcome to the Highway Hustle
This is less about safety and more about one of the greatest business models never taught in schools.
Step 1: Let car manufacturers sell land missiles to the public.
Step 2: Slap up speed cameras with all the subtlety of a birthday clown with a radar gun.
Step 3: Watch the money roll in — without ever building a single thing of value.
No tech innovation. No community improvement. No reinvestment into roads, education, or the NHS.
Just a self-funding punishment machine run by people who can’t even find their own laptops during budget hearings.
And now the police want to keep the profits to… wait for it… catch more speeders. That’s right:
They’re literally reinvesting in the punishment cycle like it’s a Silicon Valley startup.
Imagine if libraries worked like this:
“We’ll use your late fees to hire more librarians to catch people returning books 30 seconds past the deadline.”
🚨 Britain’s Criminal Justice Plan: Monetise the Middle-Class in a Rush
Let’s be honest, most speed camera victims aren’t joyriders in stolen hatchbacks.
They’re knackered commuters doing 34 in a 30 because the signage was hidden behind a bush last trimmed during the Blair era.
This is less about saving lives and more about rinsing wallets — because while shoplifting cases collapse due to “resource issues,” a pensioner in a Micra doing 41 on a dual carriageway can expect a fine, three points, and a sermon from a police-funded speed awareness priest.
Where’s the accountability? Where’s the innovation? Where’s anything that looks like value creation instead of dystopian tollbooths with Wi-Fi?
Spoiler alert: It doesn’t exist.
🚧 Challenges 🚧
Why is the only thing government builds anymore a revenue trap? Why are cops fighting harder to keep speeding fines than to fix broken systems? Drop your fury, sarcasm or sad applause in the blog comments — we want to hear what you would do with that £100M. 🧱💬
👇 Hit comment, hit share, and hit the brakes (but only if there’s a camera).
The hottest takes will be featured in the next issue of the magazine. 💥📝
Chameleon Magazine 
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