Chameleon Magazine

 📰⚰️Ah, The Telegraph. Where else would you find an opinion piece that essentially says: “Thanks for your service, pensioners, but could you keep coughing up cash until you literally stop coughing altogether?”

Enter Eir Nolsøe, who decided it’s time for “Britain’s wealthiest cohort” — pensioners — to pay their way. Because apparently, the people who rebuilt Britain after the war, worked through recessions, strikes, inflation, and austerity are secretly Scrooge McDuck, swimming through vaults of gold sovereigns while cackling at the suffering of the young. 🦆💰

Let’s get this straight: Britain’s pensioners have already paid. They’ve paid in sweat, blood, and decades of tax. They funded our NHS. They funded our education. They funded our roads and councils and bailouts. And after all that, here comes Eir with the bright idea that they should be shaken down once more, just in case a few coppers are hiding in their biscuit tin.

🗣️ Shouting Back at the Absurdity

Eir, when exactly do pensioners get to stop paying their way? Do we tax them until their last breath? Or maybe roll out a Gravestone Levy to ensure headstones pull their fiscal weight? Cremation Carbon Credits, anyone? “Sorry Nan, you can’t be scattered over the beach until you’ve paid your emissions surcharge.”

And let’s not pretend this is about fairness. If the nation’s finances are in crisis, it isn’t Doris from Doncaster hoarding Werther’s Originals that did it. It’s decades of governments squandering money on failed schemes, pointless wars, and gold-plated expense accounts. Pensioners are not the problem — they’re the generation that kept the lights on while today’s politicians were still in short trousers.

Meanwhile, The Telegraph prints this drivel like it’s economic wisdom. How about we flip it? Instead of rinsing pensioners, why not tax bad ideas? Every time a columnist like Eir Nolsøe churns out clickbait about squeezing the elderly, whack on a surcharge. By Christmas, the deficit’s gone and pensioners can keep their heating on.

💀 The Coffin Cash Grab

Let’s call this what it is: grave-robbing in a suit. A polite, posh way of saying: “We spent your pension pot, now give us more until you croak.” It’s not policy, it’s daylight robbery dressed up as fiscal responsibility.

And the irony? The same establishment that moans about young people struggling is now pointing the finger at pensioners — the very people who worked to give the next generation a chance. Rather than admit that governments, banks, and corporations milked the system dry, the scapegoating begins. It’s cowardice, pure and simple.

🔥 Challenges 🔥

Should pensioners be treated like endless cash machines, or should The Telegraph and its columnists stop flogging the elderly to make up for decades of financial incompetence? How long do we let this kind of nonsense slide before the next headline is “Nan’s Knitting Tax to Save Britain’s Economy”?

💬 Shout back in the comments. Share your fury. Defend your parents and grandparents from being mugged in their own retirement.

👇 Smash comment, smash like, smash share — let’s make it louder than Eir Nolsøe’s clickbait.

The best clapbacks will be printed in the next issue of the magazine. 🎯📝