Yes, you read that right. Donald J. Trump — self-anointed saviour of peace, patron saint of gold toilets, and defender of “truth” (as long as it’s in ALL CAPS) — is apparently on the fast track to sainthood. Why? Because in his mind, he’s about to stop his eighth war. Never mind that most of these wars exist only in his head, between the angels of his ego and the demons of basic reality.
✝️ The Gospel According to Don: Thou Shalt Retweet Thyself
Forget the Vatican — this canonization is being streamed live on Truth Social. Trump, halo freshly spray-tanned, stands at the altar of self-congratulation proclaiming peace to the nations… that no one asked him to negotiate with. His disciples cheer. Fox News provides the incense. CNN fact-checks his miracles.
Somewhere, a theologian weeps as Trump declares:
“I stopped the war in Heaven. I did it. Nobody talks about it, but I did. Tremendous peace, folks.”
Meanwhile, historians scratch their heads trying to list the first seven wars he supposedly stopped. Maybe the War on Christmas? The War on Windmills? The War on the English Language?
To his followers, he’s not just a man — he’s a movement, a martyr, and a meme. To everyone else, he’s the only saint whose miracles require NDAs and legal settlements.
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Challenges
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So, is Trump really a peacemaker… or just making peace with his reflection? 😇🪞
Drop your divine commentary in the blog — is this political theatre or the Second Coming of Self-Promotion?
👇 Comment, like, and share if you think sainthood should require fewer indictments and more humility.
The best (and most heretical) replies will be featured in the next issue of the magazine. ✍️💣
Chameleon Magazine 
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