🍞🚢💸The only thing this government’s stopping is public belief in reality — and maybe the occasional French baguette. Because the boats? Still coming. The smugglers? Still laughing. The public? Still being gaslit.
🎩 Roll Out the Minister, Rewind the Script
Ah yes, the next brave soul from the ministerial lucky dip has been wheeled out again to deliver the weekly bedtime story for grown-ups. This time, it’s “Visa Bans Will Save Us.”
Before that, it was:
🔹 Smash the gangs – they smashed spuds, not smugglers.
🔹 Break the business model – of what? The ferry companies?
🔹 Give the French millions – and in return, got longer queues and bigger boats.
🔹 Deterrence strategy – unless by “deterrence” they meant “encouragement, but with a PowerPoint.”
Now it’s stop visas to naughty countries. Because that’ll definitely scare off the seasoned trafficking networks who’ve already mastered satellite phones, encrypted messages, and cash-only operations.
What next? Send them a sternly worded email?
And yet the people clap along.
“We’re taking back control!”
Yes. Right. Control of what?
The PR cycle?
Because at this point, the Channel’s basically a motorway.
The French are waving them off like it’s the Tour de France.
And the British taxpayer is left funding both sides of the failure:
⚫ Security that doesn’t secure.
⚫ Diplomacy that funds the flow.
⚫ Messaging that insults your intelligence.
How thick do they think we are?
Answer: very.
And maybe they’re right — because we keep buying it.
Every six months there’s a shiny new slogan.
A new crackdown.
A new cash injection.
And every time the boats come anyway.
At this point, maybe just drop the pretence.
Shut down border control. Turn the Channel into a ferry service with loyalty cards.
At least that way we’d get fewer delays at customs when we’re trying to flee the country we’re no longer allowed to criticise without being told to “be grateful.”
Because let’s be honest — the only migration that’s being controlled is yours, when you try to escape it all for a week in Lanzarote and end up in a four-hour queue behind a stag do from Wigan.
🔥 Challenges 🔥
Do you still believe the boat-stopping bedtime stories? Or are you ready to call BS on the lot of it?
Sound off — let the satire, anger, and honesty rip. 💬⚓
👇 Comment, like, and share if you’re done pretending the next slogan will fix this.
Best rants get featured in the next issue — no passport check required. 🎯📝
Chameleon Magazine 
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