Chameleon Magazine

Ah yes, nothing says “holiday spirit” like a corporate retreat from Christmas—the one time of year when even the coldest capitalist tries to slap a bow on a bottle of disappointment and call it festive. But here comes Tesco, charging in like a lactose-intolerant Santa, snatching the mince pies out of the mouths of wide-eyed children because someone, somewhere, might feel offended by the word “Christmas.” Are we all meant to say “Happy Generic Winter Transaction Period” now?

🛒 The Supermarket That Stole Christmas 🎅🏽🧼

Tesco, the once-proud kingdom of dodgy self-checkouts and “meal deals” that taste like GCSE regret, has apparently decided that the word “Christmas” is too spicy for their brand. Instead of embracing the season of goodwill, they’ve opted for the all-encompassing, cold porridge of seasonal neutrality.

Why? To avoid offending people?

Spoiler alert: no one asked for this. Not the religious, not the non-religious, not even your aunt who thinks Christmas trees are pagan and watches conspiracy documentaries on YouTube.

In trying to please everyone, Tesco managed to annoy just about everyone. Meanwhile, the true message of Christmas—whether you think it’s about Jesus, Santa, or just surviving your in-laws—is unity, tradition, and pretending to like turkey. But Tesco decided that even acknowledging the word is too risky in today’s climate of performative sensitivity and corporate cowardice.

Let’s not forget: this isn’t about religion vs. secularism. This is about Big Retail playing woke bingo while cashing in on the very holiday they’re trying to erase. They’ll happily sell you glittery plastic tat, Advent calendars filled with disappointment, and pigs in blankets from Halloween to January—but they won’t call it Christmas. It’s like celebrating someone’s birthday while refusing to say their name. 🎁🤡

So here we are, in a world where “Merry Christmas” is being diluted into “Happy Consumption Period,” and even supermarkets are too scared to say the word out loud in case Karen from PR bursts into hives.

🎄 Challenges 🎄

What’s next? Easter becoming “Springtime Chocolate Egg Distribution Day”? Halloween rebranded as “Evening of Mild Costume Expression”? Comment below and tell us: has Tesco lost the plot or is this just the ghost of Christmas capitalism? 🧼🎁

👇 Unwrap your thoughts in the comments, hit like, and share if you still believe in calling it Christmas.

The best rants and roasts will make it into our next issue. 📝🔥