Chameleon Magazine

 🛣️🤯💸“We’ll Just Read the Odometer” – Rachael From Accounts and the 3p Per Mile Disaster

So, here’s the hot new plan to save the country’s crumbling infrastructure and finance the latest round of governmental head-scratching: charge drivers 3p per mile. Sounds simple enough, right? But when someone dared to ask the obvious—“How exactly are we going to collect that?”—Rachael from Accounts, our unlikely heroine in this comedy of errors, blinked twice and said:

“We’ll just read it off the mileage on the car.”

Yes. That’s the plan. The entire plan. No app, no tracker, no audit. Just the humble odometer and a faint hope that Britain is still a nation of saints. 🫣🚗📏

🛑 Hope, Trust, and Complete Denial in the 21st Century

We’re really doing this, huh? Launching a nationwide tax policy built entirely on the principle of ✨honesty✨—in a country where people pretend to be their nan to get into Costco.

You honestly expect criminals, car traders, and the great British public (who once panic-bought 400 rolls of toilet paper per household) not to find a way around this? With odometer rollback devices selling online for less than a motorway sandwich, it’s basically an open invitation to fraud. And why wouldn’t they? If the government’s plan is “we’ll read your dashboard and take your word for it,” the logical next step is “Alright then, mate. That’ll be £0.00, cheers.”

And let’s not forget: Rachael from Accounts didn’t even know how the system would work until asked. A national policy, based on billions in revenue, and they forgot to loop in Accounts. That’s like building a space shuttle and forgetting the astronauts. 🧑‍🚀💥

Meanwhile, real-world questions go unanswered:

• Who collects the mileage data?
• When is it recorded?
• Who checks for fraud?
• What if someone swaps cars, swaps plates, or just straight-up lies?

The silence is deafening. But the blind faith? Deafening and dumbfounding. 🙄🙏

🌀 Public Policy or Pub Quiz Idea?

Let’s just call this what it is: a plan scrawled on a beer mat at closing time. Hoping people will be honest in a dishonest world is not policy—it’s a plot device from a children’s cartoon. This is governance by shrug. By vibes. By the haunting echo of “eh, we’ll figure it out later.”

Because while Rachael’s still flipping through a spreadsheet trying to find “Mileage Collection 101,” there are already TikToks in the works showing how to bypass the system using a shoelace and a paperclip. 🎥🧠

We’re not just under-prepared—we’re setting up a buffet for fraud with no staff, no cameras, and a sign that reads “Please take only one sausage roll.”

🔥 Challenges 🔥

Can we all just admit this is utterly bananas? 🍌 Why are we letting policies get launched with less thought than a Sunday roast order? Sound off in the blog comments: Will this ever work? Are YOU planning to reverse around the block to “burn off” mileage? Or are you just stunned silent by the absurdity of it all?

👇 Comment below, like the post, and share it with someone who still thinks there’s a plan behind this.

The sharpest, funniest, or most furious takes will be featured in our next magazine issue. 🧠💣