The long-awaited birth of “Your Party” was meant to be a phoenix moment — bold, fiery, a fresh start for the Left. Instead, it stumbled out of the womb wielding a spreadsheet, clutching £800k in disputed funds, and immediately called security on itself. What was hyped as a new political force became a spectacular case study in How Not To Start a Movement™️.
🔪 Welcome to the Knife Fight in a Phone Box
It started with banners, ended with bans. Zarah Sultana refused to even enter the founding conference — presumably after being tipped off that her comrades were being “investigated” faster than a dodgy crypto scheme. Conference security began acting like bouncers at a Soviet nightclub: “Name? Affiliation? Do you support The Party, or the other Party? Please step aside.”
You know it’s serious when even Corbyn can’t keep the peace — the man who once calmed a warzone with a mug of herbal tea and a copy of The Morning Star. His speech on unity was so out of sync with the venue’s energy, you’d be forgiven for thinking it was AI-generated from old Stop the War PDFs.
Meanwhile, Zarah was outside, running a parallel movement like a bootleg Glastonbury stage — minus the music, plus more legal threats.
💸 The £800k Revolution That Couldn’t Buy a Clue
The battle over funds was the kind of drama usually reserved for Netflix scams and minor royal divorces. Sultana: I’ll hold £200k back for admin. Corbyn’s lot: WHERE IS OUR MONEY, ZARAH?
The result? An ideological mud wrestle over whether the revolution should be direct debit or standing order.
How did we get here? Two leaders, two mailing lists, two visions, and one shared allergy to transparency. When the most efficient part of your party is the expulsion process, you’re not starting a movement — you’re forming a very niche escape room.
🎓 “We’re Not Like the Labour Party” — Said, While Reenacting Every Labour Meltdown Ever
Here’s a quick party checklist:
- MPs leaving after three weeks? ✅
- Accusations of purges? ✅
- Dual membership puritanism? ✅
- Factional brawls in the foyer? ✅
- Founders not speaking? ✅
Honestly, if you wanted a tribute act to the Corbyn years, you didn’t need to rent a whole conference centre — you could’ve just started a group chat and waited for it to implode.
Your Party wanted to take on Labour and Reform. Right now, it couldn’t organise a sandwich run without demanding three background checks and a signed loyalty oath.
🔥 Challenges 🔥
Is this really the grassroots revival we were promised — or just a very expensive cosplay of leftist dysfunction? What happened to hope? To momentum (small m)? To not recreating Labour’s 2019 group chat on a bigger stage?
Vent. Roast. Propose a new leadership system based on rock-paper-scissors. But for the love of Marx, drop your thoughts in the blog comments — not just Facebook. 🧠🗣️
👇 Smash that comment button. Tag your most disillusioned leftist mate. Or suggest which revolutionaries should be voted off the island.
The sharpest, sassiest comments will feature in the next issue. 🎯💬
Chameleon Magazine 
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