In a twist so absurd it could only come from the fever dream that is British border policy, it turns out a people-smuggling gang has outperformed the UK Government at migrant returns. Yes, you read that correctly—one criminal network quietly shipped 243 people out of Britain, while Labour’s shiny new deal with France could only manage 153.
🧳 Britain’s Newest Efficiency Experts? Criminals with a Transit Van
Meet Madjid Belabes—53, from Camberwell, part-time people trafficker, full-time logistics wizard. While ministers drafted six-point plans and posed next to chain-link fences, Madjid and his Algerian lorry lads were stuffing people into secret compartments like it was a cross-Channel clown car act.
For just £1,200 a head, you got what the Home Office couldn’t deliver: actual results.
No red tape, no press conferences, no hollow statements about “taking back control.” Just cold, hard efficiency.
It’s almost poetic. The very criminals the government loves to vilify are now outperforming them on their own turf. One can’t help but wonder—why not just outsource border control to the black market? At least they hit their targets. Heck, they probably do it under budget and ahead of schedule. 📉
Meanwhile, French authorities managed to stop a single lorry with 58 people onboard—suggesting they, too, might want to take notes from Belabes & Co. Maybe send a delegation to shadow him? An internship, perhaps?
Because right now, the message is clear:
If you want the job done, don’t call Whitehall.
Call a smuggler.
📦 Challenges 📦
How did we reach the point where criminal networks are setting the benchmark for border control? Is our immigration policy just theatre now—complete with scripts, costumes, and no actual exits? Drop your thoughts in the blog comments—snarky, serious, or somewhere in between. 🚨🧠
👇 Hit comment, hit like, hit share. Smuggle your best take into our replies.
The most contraband-worthy comments will be featured in the next issue of the magazine. 🎯📮
Chameleon Magazine 
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