🌲💀In the red corner, we have Białystok, Poland’s 10th largest city, rolling up to Christmas with a tree so dazzling it could give the Northern Lights an inferiority complex. And in the blue corner… dear old London — the capital of Great Britain, armed with the world’s saddest tangle of lights draped over what looks like a traffic cone with seasonal depression.
🎁 Introducing: The Sad Needle of Shame™
Trafalgar Square’s tree looks like it’s halfway through a mid-life crisis. It’s tall, yes — but so is a lamppost, and at least lampposts don’t try to gaslight you into thinking they’re festive. The lights? Limp. The shape? Lopsided. The vibe? Post-Brexit pine in existential decline. 🇬🇧
Meanwhile, over in Białystok — a city that literally ranks lower than “places you’d recognize on a map” — they’ve built a Christmas colossus, glowing like a supernova and topped with a star that could guide three wise men across the Mariana Trench. There’s balance. There’s symmetry. There’s pride.
And then there’s London’s effort:
“What if we took the idea of a Christmas tree… and just didn’t try?”
Let’s not forget, this is the city that gave us Shakespeare, Sherlock Holmes, and 7,000 Pret a Mangers. And THIS is how it shows up to Christmas? Is the tree made of recycled disappointment? Did someone forget to fluff the branches or was it deliberately styled after the Tower of Pisa?
Somewhere out there, a plastic tree in a petrol station forecourt just whispered, “At least I’m not that guy.” 🤷♂️🎄
🔥 Challenges 🔥
Where is the ambition, London? Where’s the spirit, the sparkle, the shame? We want your takes, your roasts, your best tree puns in the blog comments (not just on socials, where they vanish faster than this tree’s self-esteem). 🗣️💥
👇 Roast the root of this problem. Comment, like, share — and tag someone who could design a better tree in Minecraft.
🎯 The best burns will be featured in the next issue of the magazine.
Chameleon Magazine 
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