Because nothing says festive spirit like jacking up the price of chocolate just as the nation reaches for the Quality Street tin. Despite a boom in cocoa supplies, supermarket giants have pulled a seasonal sleight of hand—slapping on a 20% price rise and pretending it’s just the way the (Yule) log crumbles.
💥 Death by Dairy Milk: The Final Blow to Festive Joy
Let’s be honest—after the government finished gutting live music, strangling cinema, and turning theatre tickets into luxury items, chocolate was one of the last affordable pleasures left. A sacred little square of serotonin. A universal language of peace between feuding relatives and in-laws. But now? Even that’s being pried from our sugar-stained fingers.
And the excuse? Not shortages. Not supply chain chaos.
Nope—record cocoa production.
So naturally, prices go up. Because logic left the building around the same time as affordable rent and NHS dental appointments.
Apparently, it’s not enough that we’re stuck watching BBC reruns for entertainment. Now we have to ration the Roses. Kids counting Maltesers. Dads hiding Toblerones behind toolboxes. Grandmas switching to own-brand advent calendars with three empty windows.
And let’s not forget the supermarkets, who will still manage to post billion-pound profits while pretending their hands are tied. Tied, apparently, with gold-foil chocolate ribbon.
What’s next? VAT on mince pies? Santa’s sleigh repossessed? Baubles banned for being “luxury optics”? We are one Terry’s Chocolate Orange away from full-blown Christmas collapse.
🔥 Challenges 🔥
Why are we paying more for chocolate when there’s more of it? Why does every festive tradition have to be turned into a capitalist cash-grab?
Vent your fury, post your cocoa conspiracy theories, or just cry over your empty Ferrero Rocher tray—in the blog comments. 🧠🔥🍬
👇 Comment, share, like—and let’s unwrap this seasonal scam one overpriced truffle at a time.
The best rants, memes, and chocolate-based grievances will feature in the next issue. 🗞️🍫
Chameleon Magazine 
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