🪨🏴Archaeologists have struck sass. Somewhere in the misty Scottish Borders, buried under 2,000 years of frost, peat, and unresolved identity issues, they’ve unearthed a stone so long, so stubborn, and so utterly Scottish that it might just be the country’s oldest surviving piece of attitude.
🪧 “It’s Shite Doon There Anyway”: Scotland’s Stone-Cut Goodbye to the South
Stretching 100 metres long and taller than your average grumpy Highland cow, “The Auld Lang Sign” is not your average bit of prehistoric signage. It’s not warning of sabretooths. It’s not detailing trade routes. It’s not even asking you to wash your hands before handling neolithic turnips. No. This absolute unit of a rock is listing everywhere that isn’t the south — with the kind of pedantic intensity only ancient Scots (or modern road planners) could summon.
✔️ Recognisable places.
✔️ Forgotten glens.
✔️ Several islands lost to time (or denial).
✔️ Probably Narnia.
Its intended audience? Anyone daft enough to wander northward unbriefed. Cold, wet, confused travellers in animal skins, looking for shelter and finding instead a stone monologue that basically says:
“You’re in Scotland now. Pack a jumper, learn to pronounce ‘loch’, and lower your expectations for daylight.” 🌧️🧣
Meanwhile, the south-facing side contains a single phrase — expertly carved, and deeply on brand:
“It’s shite doon there anyway.”
That’s it. No coordinates. No directions. Just a full-bodied ancient shrug in stone.
🏗️ Border? Monument? Giant Middle Finger?
Debate rages over how to categorise the thing. Is it:
- A historical artefact?
- Early infrastructure?
- A Celtic Google Maps listing?
- The passive-aggressive Yelp review of an entire half of Britain?
Yes.
Some say it’s proof that Scots have always been keen on signposting. Others say it confirms that, even in the Iron Age, they had no time for ambiguity or southern nonsense.
We say: why not both? It’s part boundary, part flex. A long, cold slab of prehistoric branding.
🧭 Tourism Boards, Take Note
Forget Loch Ness.
Forget Braveheart cosplay and overpriced shortbread in tartan tins.
“The Auld Lang Sign” is Scotland’s most honest invitation:
“Here’s everything north. It’s miserable, it’s majestic, and it’s ours.”
🔥 Challenges 🔥
What’s your take on this ancient act of passive-aggression?
A warning? A welcome? A grudge turned to granite?
Drop your thoughts in the blog comments — not just Facebook. Let’s see who can out-sass the ancient Celts. 💬🪨
👇 Like it, share it, and tag a friend who’d absolutely read every word of that 100-metre sign out loud in a sarcastic accent.
The best digs (literal or verbal) will be featured in our next issue. 📜🔥
Chameleon Magazine 
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