Chameleon Magazine

Auditioning for Chancellor with vibes, slogans—and zero extension cables.

🎭 Chancellor or Children’s Entertainer? Miliband’s Magical Infrastructure-Free Tour

Ed Miliband, the man who once tried to make a bacon sandwich look like political strategy, is now auditioning—yes, auditioning—to be the next Chancellor. 🎬 But instead of bringing fiscal policy, he’s brought fairy dust, a plugless car, and a deep, mystical misunderstanding of how electricity works.

In his Commons cost-of-living sermon, Miliband struck all the right notes… if you’re a climate cultist with a Tesla and no charger. His vision? A green utopia where everyone drives electric—but no one can plug in. It’s like opening a restaurant with no kitchen. Or promising nationwide swimming lessons without the pools.

But let’s not forget: this is the same guy who declared “let’s go green!” with the fever of a festival dad in organic linen—then forgot to actually build the infrastructure. Minor detail, right? Wires, stations, grid capacity… pfft. Who needs that when you’ve got slogans and windmills on PowerPoint?

Now, with the country already staggering under energy costs, Miliband wants us to double down on a plan that looks suspiciously like Net Zero meets Zero Planning. What’s the backup when your battery dies on the M25? A Shetland pony and a tow rope? Maybe the new national strategy is just “pray and push.”

And the real kicker? He’s pitching himself as Chancellor. As in: man-in-charge-of-money. As in: the guy who thinks £30 billion in infrastructure spending can be replaced by good intentions and a cardboard wind turbine taped to the Treasury roof.

Look, no one’s against going green—but maybe try plugging in your policy before trying to charge the country with it. Because right now, the only thing running on renewable energy is Miliband’s ability to keep recycling the same platitudes since 2010. ♻️⚡

🔥Challenges 🔥

Should Miliband come with a free hay bale and hoof cleaner? Is this green transition—or eco-pantomime? We want your thoughts. Electrified, sarcastic, or horse-powered—let us have them in the blog comments. 💬🐎

👇 Hit comment if you’re tired of policies that sound good until you try to use them.

The most biting takes will gallop their way into the next issue of the magazine. 📝🔥