Chameleon Magazine

As Sir Keir Starmer pledges to “make life better,” supermarkets across the UK have decided to test his resolve by turning your weekly shop into a game of How Much Can You Carry for £50? Spoiler: it’s probably one sad cauliflower and a whisper of cheese.

Grocery inflation just clocked in at 3.3% over the past year, proving that not only are things not getting better, but even beans on toast now qualify as fine dining. Meanwhile, Starmer’s out here selling hope like it’s half price at Lidl, but Britain’s shopping trolleys are emptier than a manifesto during campaign season.

🛒 When Bread Costs More Than Belief

So why are food prices ballooning like a dodgy soufflé? Because we import most of our grub, and apparently Brexit gave us all the trading power of a damp crumpet. Add in supply chain chaos, energy costs, and a currency that’s been on more of a rollercoaster than the Tory party, and boom—your groceries now come with a side of existential dread.

Starmer says he’s going to fix it, but let’s be honest—until the UK figures out how to grow oranges in Huddersfield and produce parmesan in Peterborough, we’re still at the mercy of foreign markets, sky-high transport fees, and whatever deal the government last fumbled through customs.

It’s like a magic trick: every time a politician promises things will get “better,” your shopping bill somehow goes up. Must be the new economics—trickle-up poverty.

🍞 Challenges 🍞

Can we eat promises? Will manifesto-flavoured noodles be available soon? And how many more price rises until voters start treating campaign slogans like expired milk? We want your take. Rant, roast, or rewrite the food chain—we’re hungry for it. 💬🔥

👇 Smash that comment button, share the pain, tag someone still pretending they can “budget better.”

Best takes get featured in our next issue. Extra points if you do it while holding a £4 loaf of bread. 🍞💸