Chameleon Magazine

While potholes turn into tourist attractions and NHS waiting lists stretch longer than the queue for Glastonbury tickets, our man Keir Starmer decides it’s the perfect time for a French getaway. Oui, seriously. As the UK staggers through crises like a drunk uncle at a wedding, Sir Keir’s out here practicing his French handshake and sipping metaphorical wine with Macron. Priorities? Not even in the Eurostar tunnel.

🧳 Champagne Diplomacy, With a Side of British Chaos

You’d think with inflation ballooning, schools crumbling (literally), and energy bills causing spontaneous nosebleeds, the leader of the opposition might want to, you know, oppose something here at home. But nah. Instead, it’s “Bonjour, Paris!” while the UK becomes a discount Mad Max sequel.

Is he plotting Brexit 2: The Reattachment? Or just hoping Macron will lend him some policy ideas with a side of baguette? Meanwhile, Britain’s public services are holding on by duct tape and depressed morale. People can’t see a GP, but Keir’s got front-row seats to French pleasantries and croissant-fueled photo ops.

You have to admire the optimism though. Trying to build continental alliances when your domestic roof is on fire is bold. Or delusional. Either way, the smoke’s visible from Calais.

While Rishi sunbathes in eternal denial and Labour claims to be the “grown-ups,” one wonders when the grown-ups plan to come back from their international brunch tour and deal with the overflowing bins at home. But hey, maybe Keir’s planning to move in with Macron—because clearly he’s not staying long in Britain’s mess.

💣 Challenges 💣

What do you think Starmer’s real reason for visiting Paris is? Has Britain just become too awkward to hang out with? Should leaders be banned from overseas visits until they pass a “Basic Competency At Home” test? Let us know in the comments! 🗣️🔥

👇 Comment below, share your thoughts, tag a mate who’s also wondering if Britain’s being ghosted by its own leaders.

The best clapbacks and conspiracies get printed in our next issue. 📰💥