Chameleon Magazine

 🧣🛑Move over Milan. Step aside Paris. The true capital of fashion is now… the Good Morning Britain sofa, where every Monday, a man with frosted tips and a scarf longer than your mortgage agreement swans in and declares war on your wardrobe—with all the conviction of someone who’s never worn a bra but feels spiritually qualified to critique yours. 🎯

💅 Apparently, All You Need Is a Pulse, a Pashmina, and a Love of Cher

There was a time when stylists had to work their way up—assistants, apprenticeships, maybe a few Vogue shoots under their belt. Now? Just announce you’re gay on LinkedIn and boom: you too can be a TV Fashion Expert™. No portfolio? No tailoring knowledge? Doesn’t matter—as long as you can say “it just pops, babe” with enough jazz hands to cause a localised glitter storm. 🪩

Let’s be real: if a straight man suggested pairing a lime green poncho with snakeskin wedges and called it “office chic,” he’d be marched off set by security. But give that same man a spray tan and a “Yaaas queen” and suddenly it’s “bold” and “boundary-breaking.” No, Darren—it’s confusing and vaguely threatening.

And while he twirls through his “style segment,” you can feel the women on the panel trying not to projectile vomit into their mugs of peppermint tea. Susanna Reid is nodding like she’s on hostage cam. Ranvir’s smile is frozen somewhere between help me and is this jumper punishment for my sins?

👠 From Catwalk to Catastrophe in Under 4 Minutes

The real kicker? These “looks” are always meant to beat the Monday blues.

Here’s a breakdown of today’s mood-lifting ensemble:

• A jumper so oversized it could double as temporary housing
• A scarf that looks like it was looted from a wizard convention
• Trousers that start at ankle and end somewhere around the armpits
• All topped with the phrase: “It’s very in right now.”

In? Where? A fever dream?

Meanwhile, Sandra from Swindon is sitting at home, wondering how this polyester nightmare is going to help her conquer the school run, the Tesco shop, and Gary from HR’s passive-aggressive emails. 🛍️

Let’s just say it: fashion doesn’t need to be gay-coded, camped-up nonsense. Real women want real clothes. Not vibes. Not “sass.” Not a man in loafers shouting “statement piece” while strapping a faux-fur belt to a cardigan like it’s a hostage situation.

🔥 Challenges 🔥

Have we confused charisma for credentials? Are gay men being typecast as fashion messiahs just because TV execs can’t be bothered to look for actual stylists? Or is this all just a distraction from the fact that none of these clothes ever cost under £100?