Chameleon Magazine

Whispers are flying that Subway has “gone HALAL,” and suddenly the internet is acting like the lettuce has declared jihad. If you want to know what that means to the animals making that sacrifice, is animal pain is being sacrificed in the name of religion, you know that fluffy stuffs that comes with clouds and angels. 

🥖 If you are going to be slaughtered for someone dinner at least make it painless 🚨

First, halal means “cut the throat of an animal so it dies before you strip the meat.” That’s a dramatic sentence that belongs in a medieval audiobook, but not in this case, belief in something called religion is more important to some people than the death of a poor animal, if the tides were turned it might be a different story. 

Here’s the boring truth (brace yourself): halal is a dietary standard. In practice, some suppliers use halal‑certified meat; others don’t. So if it’s a dietary standard maybe they could just go with the lettuce and they can sacrifice their babies for their gods. 

And the slaughter bit? Halal requires a swift cut intended to minimize suffering—not the horror‑movie version doing the rounds on social media. It’s great to hear that they are taking the animals feelings into consideration. 

🧂 The Real Ingredient? Outrage Seasoning 😡

What’s really happening here isn’t a sandwich scandal—it’s an outrage soufflé. A perfectly ordinary supply‑chain choice, “THEY’VE CHANGED EVERYTHING,” because nothing boosts engagement like sacrifice with mayo.

No one’s forcing you to order halal chicken. No one’s banning your meatball marinara. And no, the cookie display hasn’t been replaced with a sermon. This is religion doing what religion does: making the murder of animals somehow spiritual, just not for the animals. 

So why do we allow religious zealots to tell us how to murder a poor defenceless animal.  Is this about care for the food you eat or just another way of pleasing a god no one has even met.