Chameleon Magazine

Forget funeral plans and death insurance guilt-trips. The real joy? Forcing your grieving family to cosplay Indiana Jones in search of your hidden loot—because the last laugh belongs to you, not HMRC.

🧭 Burials Are Boring. Leave a Map, Not a Bill.

You’ve seen those ghoulish ads:

💔 “Don’t burden your loved ones when you’re gone…”

💸 “Just £5 a month and we’ll cover your burial!”

🎻 Cue sad music and a black-and-white widow shaking over a coffin

What they really mean is: “Please hand over more of your dwindling bank balance to a corporate vampire before you die.”

But what if, instead of coughing up to pre-pay for your own hole in the dirt, you slowly siphoned off your assets, sold your house for cash, turned your jewellery into gold coins, and buried them in secret?

Then—plot twist—you left behind a riddle-laced treasure map only your family could solve. 📜🗺️

Let’s be honest:

• The government’s already helped themselves to your wages, your fuel, your home, your Netflix subscription, and even your death (hi there, Inheritance Tax).
• The only thing you truly own is your ability to ruin the system’s day one final time by dying with an empty account and a smirk.

Burial plans are the modern-day equivalent of paying to enter a prison you’re already sentenced to.

So don’t.

Instead, imagine your family scrambling through fields, decoding clues, arguing over riddles like:

👉 “Under the willow where Granddad smoked, lies a box, but it’s not a joke.”

👉 “Find the dog that never barked—his collar is the key.”

👉 “Only when the rain falls on the sundial shall the truth be seen.”

They’d livestream it, obviously.

“Finding Nana’s Gold: Part 6 – The Cellar of Screams” would go viral.

TikTok would weep.

YouTube would monetise.

And you? You’d be up there (or down there, depending), watching with your ghostly arms crossed like:

“Now that’s how you die with style.”

Meanwhile, the government’s left chasing dust. No taxes. No forms. No “probate processing fees.”

Just the cold silence of an empty ledger and your final, glorious middle finger. 🖕⚰️

💣 Challenges 💣

Still thinking about that £5/month funeral policy? Snap out of it. You’re not a burden. You’re the legend who staged a posthumous escape from the tax system. 💼🔥

Comment with your best treasure hunt clue. Share the most outrageous scheme you’d pull off from beyond the grave. Let’s rewrite death. 💬💀