🧳💸Sir Keir Starmer touches down in China trying to look like a serious statesman—when the truth is, we’ve already had our digital pockets picked. Hacked phones, no answers, and now we’re off for a cuppa with the people who might’ve been reading our texts for years.
🐑 Walking Into the Dragon’s Den With Your Flies Down
Let’s not dress it up. Britain’s leaders have been hacked. Not once. Not one phone. We’re talking years of snooping, across multiple prime ministers. It’s like someone nicked your house keys, watched you sleep, then you invited them round for Sunday dinner to talk about “boundaries.”
Starmer’s calling this a “reset”—but how do you reset something you never had control of in the first place? It’s not a fresh start if they’ve been listening to your strategy meetings like it’s a podcast.
This is the international version of your boss stealing your lunch and then asking how your sandwich was. And we’re just standing there, smiling, saying “Let’s be reasonable.”
They say all big countries spy. Fine. But when you find out your own phone’s been turned into a walkie-talkie for Beijing, maybe—just maybe—you don’t go begging for a trade deal while the mic’s still hot.
The worst bit? No one’s even pretending to be shocked anymore. No serious reckoning. No big “Oi, what the hell?” moment. Just a shrug, a flight, and a hope the Wi-Fi holds on the way over.
Britain’s arriving at the high-stakes table with our cards facing up and a giant sign on our back that says, “We’re just happy to be here.”
⚠️ Challenges ⚠️
Why are we all okay with this? Where’s the anger? Where’s the pride? How did we go from bulldog spirit to budget doormat? Tell us what you think. Drop a comment on the blog, not just Facebook. We want to hear from the people who don’t have a seat on the plane. 🚧🔥
Chameleon Magazine 
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