Chameleon Magazine

 🧓🐕Welcome to Great Britain™, 2026 Edition, where the asylum seeker taxi bill hasn’t just ballooned—it’s achieved orbit. It’s now so astronomically large, NASA is tracking it. And who’s riding in style at your expense? Not pensioners, not the disabled, not the backbone of society. Nope. It’s the jobless loiterers whose greatest daily challenge is choosing between pestering women online or in the GP’s waiting room.

💸 From Dinghies to Door-to-Door Chauffeurs—The Asylum Upgrade Program ✈️➡️🚕

Let’s spell it out. These aren’t refugees escaping death camps anymore. We’re talking about able-bodied men, lounging in taxpayer-funded accommodation, phone in one hand, government paperwork in the other, and absolutely no time to walk to an appointment.

Why? Because the system—so bloated it needs a personal trainer—pays for their taxis. And not just occasionally. To the tune of millions. That’s right: the asylum taxi bill has skyrocketed so high it now qualifies for frequent flyer miles. 💷📈

So while Kev from Kabul is getting driven across three counties to a dentist appointment he may or may not attend, Doris, 84, blind in one eye and clinging to the other, is told there’s “no funding” for a guide dog. She paid into the system for 50 years. He figured out the system in 50 minutes.

And what’s he doing with his free time? Not integration. Not volunteering. Swiping right. Sending unsolicited messages. Making women uncomfortable at bus stops. But sure, let’s keep sending taxis so he doesn’t have to walk a mile. Wouldn’t want him to strain something while catcalling.

This country is now officially one giant sketch show—except nobody’s laughing. Except maybe the guys in the back of the taxpayer-funded Uber, updating their Snapchats with “#ThanksUK” while Doris fumbles with a magnifying glass to read her rejection letter from the council. 📬🐕

🔥 Challenges 🔥

Why are the vulnerable being shoved aside while the system writes blank cheques for freeloaders with data plans and dating apps?

Why is it easier to get a cab as an unemployed adult man with no respect for women than it is to get mobility help for someone who paid into the system their entire life?