While the planet bakes and world leaders fly private jets to climate summits, Scotland has opted for a bold new strategy: raise a pyramid to the Sun God and chuck a few weather presenters into the fire. Problem solved.
🌧️ Sacrifice the Forecasters, Save the Forecast?
After decades of being mocked for horizontal rain, sideways sleet, and temperatures that make your teeth retreat into your skull, Scotland has finally snapped. The plan? Build a monumental sun-worshipping ziggurat somewhere between Inverness and a total nervous breakdown — and start tossing BBC meteorologists into the flames until the skies get the message.
The idea reportedly came after a particularly damning 10-day forecast that featured “cloudy with despair”, “brief spells of sarcasm”, and “occasional volcanic eruptions of wind.” Local councillors, fresh off a spiritual retreat and three whiskies deep, decided:
“Maybe the problem isn’t the climate. Maybe it’s the messengers.”
The pyramid will be solar-powered, naturally — because we’re not climate deniers, just deeply petty — and early designs include:
• A golden microphone throne for the Weather Priest,
• A “Wheel of Doom” with possible fates for inaccurate forecasters (spoiler: it’s always “sacrifice”),
• And a chamber where Greta Thunberg’s TikToks play on loop, just to make everyone feel guilty.
Meanwhile, England has responded by opening a Tesco Value Sun Altar in Milton Keynes, where offerings include melted pints of ice cream and apologetic emails to India.
Let’s face it: if ritual sacrifice is what it takes to get a proper summer, Scotland is willing to burn every weather map from the 1980s to the Met Office’s mainframe. ☀️💀
🔥 Challenges 🔥
Would you sacrifice a weatherman for a proper July? How many reporters does it take to fix a jet stream? Should Michael Fish have faced trial for the 1987 storm? Drop your most sacrilegious takes in the blog comments. ⚡💬
Chameleon Magazine 
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