Chameleon Magazine

Chameleon

“Real talk: Have women become harder to live with, or have men just fallen behind in what’s expected of them?”

“Look, I love my wife. I do. But living with her is like being in a game show where the rules change every day and I’m always losing.

One minute she wants me to open up emotionally, the next she’s looking at me like I just confessed to a murder when I say I’m feeling a bit low. I ask if she’s okay, she says she’s fine. I believe her. Rookie mistake. Apparently ‘fine’ is code for ‘prepare for emotional warfare in T-minus 5 hours.’

We’ve got 37 throw pillows on the bed I’m not allowed to sleep near. I’m not even sure if I’m allowed to touch them. They’re decorative. Like landmines.

She’ll tell me not to worry about something, and then get upset that I didn’t worry enough. She says she doesn’t want fries, then eats all of mine. If I say ‘I told you so,’ I’m condescending. If I say nothing, I’m emotionally unavailable. I tried to take initiative once, planned a weekend away. She cried because she had nothing to wear. I offered a solution. Huge mistake.

Oh, and if you think you’re ever done arguing about something from three years ago? Think again. My wife has emotional Google. Every fight is backed up in the cloud.

But yeah—marriage is great. I highly recommend it. Just make sure you’ve got snacks, a backup apology, and the emotional stamina of a monk on caffeine.”

Email: Chameleon.150206052@gmail.com