Chameleon Magazine

Labour’s glow-up from “absolutely not” to “scan every face from Lands’ End to Loch Ness” has been… dramatic. And now everyone’s asking the real question: what exactly is Jeremy Corbyn—or his merry band of quinoa enthusiasts—so afraid of being face-checked for? 👀🌱

😏 The Great Anti-Facial-Recognition Panic: A Mystery Wrapped in a Beard

Look, when a government proposes turning every lamppost into a mini RoboCop, you expect civil liberties groups to clutch their pearls. But Jeremy’s anti-camera energy? That’s a whole different flavour.

Maybe he’s worried the AI will confuse him with a medieval prophet wandering out of Glastonbury. 🤷‍♂️✨

Maybe he fears being incorrectly tagged as the leader of a folk band called The Ethical Chickpeas.

Or perhaps—just perhaps—he simply doesn’t want a Tesco door camera outing him for buying non-organic hummus at 11 p.m. 🧆😱

Meanwhile, Keir Starmer—once “meh” on the tech—is now ready to plaster the nation with cameras like it’s the world’s most dystopian stamp collection. Gangsters, burglars, shoplifters, your nan nicking a reduced Battenberg—nobody’s escaping the gaze of Big Brother’s shinier, HD-enabled cousin.

And in the background, Corbyn’s mates are waving their privacy banners so hard they might take flight. Because nothing says “totally normal democracy” like arguing over whether police should run a national game of Guess Who using 45 million passport photos. 🕵️‍♂️🇬🇧

But sure—let’s all pretend this is definitely about principles… and not because someone doesn’t want to be auto-tagged strolling out of an allotment with a suspiciously large courgette. 🌱🥒😉

🔥 Challenges 🔥

Why do you think some politicians break into a cold sweat at the thought of being face-scanned?

What are they hiding—poor skincare routines, questionable shopping habits, or something juicier? Drop your theory, your rant, or your most unhinged conspiracy in the blog comments. 💬🔥

👇 Smash comment, hit like, or share this delightful chaos.

The spiciest takes will be featured in the next issue of the magazine. 🌶️📝