Chameleon Magazine

Talk about taking the fun out of everything.

Just when you thought Britain had exhausted the possibilities for regulating perfectly ordinary human behaviour, along comes “vertical drinking” — a phrase that makes having a pint sound like an advanced military manoeuvre.

You remember vertical sitting, surely? Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary famously floated the idea of standing-style airline seating as a way of squeezing more passengers onto aircraft. ✈️🥴

Now we appear to have gone in the opposite direction: politicians worrying about people standing while drinking.

🍻 Please Take Your Seats — Your Pint Is Becoming Dangerous

Apparently sitting down with a pint is civilisation, while standing up with one risks turning the local into the Wild West.

At this rate, pubs will need illuminated signs:

FASTEN SEAT BELT BEFORE CONSUMING LAGER.

Perhaps the authorities could redirect this enthusiasm towards somewhere vertical standing really has become a national institution: the railways. 🚆

There you can buy an expensive ticket for a journey and discover that what you’ve actually purchased is the privilege of standing in a corridor with your face six inches from somebody else’s backpack.

Funny how nobody calls that “vertical travelling.”

Maybe the solution is obvious. If standing with a £6 pint is such a concern, anyone forced to stand on a £100 train journey should immediately receive a chair, a refund and possibly a complimentary sausage roll from the high-security Greggs vault. 😂

🔥 Challenges

Are we genuinely reaching the point where politicians need to concern themselves with whether adults sit or stand while having a drink?

And if vertical drinking is a problem, what should we call being charged full price for standing all the way home on a train?

👇 Tell us in the BLOG COMMENTS. Give us your most ridiculous regulation for modern Britain — then like and share the post. 🍺🔥

The best comments will be included in the magazine. 📰🎯