🦇👑Six years after heading for California, Prince Harry is reportedly coming back to Britain with Meghan and the children.
Not back as a working royal, obviously.
But details like that have never stopped Britain enjoying a comeback story.
Somewhere above Windsor, the clouds part. A giant illuminated ginger beard appears in the night sky. Buckingham Palace staff look nervously towards the horizon.
“Good God… he’s coming back.” 🦇
After years in Montecito, memoirs, documentaries, interviews and international excursions, the Duke of Sussex is apparently preparing for the ultimate sequel:
Harry Returns.
Unfortunately, anyone expecting him to rappel down the side of Buckingham Palace in a velvet cape and immediately resume ribbon-cutting duties may be disappointed.
He and Meghan are reportedly returning as non-working royals.
Which seems rather unfair, because judging by the CV that has mysteriously landed on the Palace HR desk, somebody has clearly been preparing for an interview.
🦇 BUCKINGHAM PALACE HR: WE APPEAR TO HAVE RECEIVED THIS APPLICATION
CURRICULUM VITAE
Applicant: Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex
Target Role: Senior Working Royal
Department: UK Relocation & Re-Entry Scheme
Preferred Location: Windsor Estate — ideally somewhere with enough bedrooms, a large garden and minimal chance of bumping into anybody before coffee.
PERSONAL SUMMARY
Highly energetic, internationally experienced candidate seeking a smooth transition back into the family business.
Having spent several years gaining valuable overseas perspective, I am now interested in opportunities within the UK ceremonial sector.
I offer extensive experience in public appearances, military causes, charitable projects and standing beside important people while everybody pretends the weather is fine.
I am also familiar with the organisation.
Admittedly, my previous exit interview may have gone on slightly longer than HR anticipated.
KEY SKILLS & STRENGTHS
👑
High-Impact Charity Work
Considerable experience supporting charitable initiatives, veteran causes and international fundraising.
Comfortable dealing with celebrities, corporate sponsors, politicians and other people who somehow possess three assistants.
Ribbon Cutting & Plaque Unveiling
Extensive practical experience with ceremonial scissors.
Able to cut ribbons of varying thickness while maintaining appropriate facial expression.
Can unveil plaque without reading inscription aloud first.
Public Engagement
Experienced in:
Shaking hands.
Accepting flowers.
Talking to schoolchildren.
Looking interested while somebody explains a new community centre.
And asking:
“So… what do you do?”
approximately 400 times per afternoon.
Specialist Royal Competencies
Can wave from moving vehicle.
Can wear morning suit without looking like an undertaker.
Can inspect troops despite having no idea what one is supposed to be inspecting.
Can remain upright through lengthy church services.
Can identify the correct fork at state dinner with approximately 73% confidence.
HOUSEHOLD CONTRIBUTIONS
🍰🌿Spouse brings additional experience in media, lifestyle projects and culinary interests.
Potential applications include:
Charity bake sales.
Garden parties.
Jam-related diplomacy.
And emergency production of something artisanal should the National Trust run short of preserves.
Two young children are also available to provide cheerful next-generation royal content and dramatically improve balcony viewing figures.
PREVIOUS EMPLOYMENT
Senior Working Royal — The Firm
2005–2020
Responsibilities included hundreds of public engagements, charity patronages, military events, overseas tours and ceremonial appearances.
Left position in 2020 to pursue exciting opportunities overseas.
Reason for Leaving:
It’s complicated.
Would Previous Employer Rehire?
Please contact HR discreetly.
CURRENT EXPERIENCE
International Charity & Media Projects
2020–Present
Worked extensively across charitable, sporting and media ventures.
Developed particular expertise in:
Veterans’ advocacy.
International travel.
Documentaries.
Interviews.
Family reconciliation initiatives.
And discovering that moving 5,000 miles away does not necessarily reduce the number of British newspaper articles written about you.
ACCOMMODATION REQUIREMENTS
🏰Seeking modest family accommodation within secure surroundings.
Preferred specifications:
Four or five bedrooms.
Large garden.
Suitable kitchen.
Space for children.
Guest accommodation.
Security arrangements.
Reasonable distance from Windsor Castle.
Nothing excessive.
A small palace would be perfectly acceptable.
REFERENCES
King Charles III
Relationship: Father / Former Senior Management
Prince William
Relationship: Brother / Further references available pending successful peace negotiations.
🦇 BUT THERE’S ONE SMALL PROBLEM WITH THE GREAT ROYAL COMEBACK
There isn’t actually a job.
Harry may be returning to Britain, but reports say he and Meghan will remain non-working members of the Royal Family.
So this isn’t quite Batman returning to Gotham.
It’s more like Batman moving back to Gotham, enrolling the children in school and informing Commissioner Gordon:
“Just to be clear, I’m not doing nights.” 🦇😂
No royal rota.
No return to full-time palace duties.
No ceremonial Batmobile roaring down The Mall.
And apparently no complimentary Windsor mansion waiting with the keys under a corgi.
Still, never underestimate the power of a sequel.
Hollywood has brought back Indiana Jones, Top Gun, Ghostbusters and practically every superhero ever invented.
So perhaps Britain should prepare itself.
HARRY: THE DUKE KNIGHT RETURNS
Coming soon to a kingdom near you.
Working royal status sold separately. 👑🎬
🔥 Challenges
Imagine Buckingham Palace genuinely advertised for a new working royal tomorrow.
What would you put on your CV?
Professional waving?
Advanced ribbon-cutting?
Expertise in looking fascinated by municipal plaques?
The ability to attend three garden parties, a sheep show and the opening of a bypass without once asking when you can go home? 😂
💬 Write your best qualification for becoming a working royal in the blog comments.
👇 Comment, like and share — and send this to somebody whose entire career has accidentally prepared them for life on a palace balcony.
The best comments will be included in the magazine. 🎯📝
Chameleon Magazine 
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